he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
