Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sext me about skeletons
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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