the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
