You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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