..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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