textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
