worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
