I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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