Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
