see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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