And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
