you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
