bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
