I look better un-naked...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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