so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
