new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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