I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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