drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
