dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
