Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
