did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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