4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
