You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
His nipple licking is glorious
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