i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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