VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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