i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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