The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
