Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
