I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
