someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
