i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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