i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
