At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
