I heard we made out
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
