I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
