Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
