Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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