genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize