3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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