my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
