if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
