so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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