Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
