You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
