I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize