Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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