hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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