and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
