u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
