paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
