Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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