like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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