I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
