My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
