hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
