Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
