If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
