your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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