HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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