and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize