What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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