I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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