it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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