Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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